Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Things you Probably Shouldn't Do

This is not a typical Do and Don't do in the writing world. But it is a post about some things that you probably shouldn't do.

1. Do NOT show your nine yr old daughter how to gut a deer, when they love animals and have NO idea why you shoot them. (My father did this to me.) It was not fun. First I gagged, Barfed, Cried, AND ran home. From this experience I learned I will never be a doctor, because that was beyond gross. I also learned how disturbed construction workers are because my dad said "Oh suck it up."

2. Do NOT let your brother's friends play video games in your room. Because one of them might sleep walk. And while you're sleeping you might wake up to some boy in his boxers standing in front of your TV mumbling dumb stuff. (This happened to me when I was 15) I screamed, because girls my age were doing said stuff with boys and this dork was in his boxers in my room while I was still in bed.  Anywho Threw a pillow. Apparently you shouldn't wake up people that are sleep walking. That person Woke up freaking out, screaming and launched my video game controller at me. Had a bruise on my forehead for what FELT LIKE forever.

3. If your parents are teachers, and you go to their school. May I suggest you don't throw parties at their house OR attend parties at their house. Because Your Parents will tell each one of your classes about all the crazy crap they've found or came home to. Like my health teacher apparently came home and found their son passed out under the pine trees with his pants to his ankles. One shoe missing one shoe on. Apparently he thought he was in his bedroom.

4. Also, never and I mean this NEVER go to a party with your stupid step brother. If you do, make sure you take your car. Do not let him drive. The first sight of cops, I was ditched. The house I was at I never been to before. Had no idea who the people were at the party. There was a corn field surrounding this place. Some party person takes my hand and drags me into the corn field. I wasn't drinking mind you. So I wouldn't have been in trouble like most of them. I didn't know why I was in this stupid corn field. Person pulling me loses a shoe. I try to go back to find it but they start yelling at me. After cops leave I decide to find my idiot step brother. Guess what? That dork left. LEFT ME! He didn't come back. I waited thirty minutes and that jackhole drove home. When he found out I wasn't home he decided to go back to the party where he left me. But by this time I already got a ride so we made him think I got hauled off to jail. So after ten minutes of him crying and saying he was sorry I emerged and slapped him in the head.

5. Fishing is great unless you're scared of snakes. Do not go to a lake that has WATER SNAKES. I hate snakes. I'm that person screaming and running in the other direction if I see one. Anyways, I was fishing. I got a bite. YAY! I start reeling it in. There is something hissing and swimming really fast near the edge. I look at it. ITS A SNAKE. A BIG ONE. I no longer cared about what I caught Screamed! Threw my pole. and RAN! I mean jetted like there was a fire on my rear. My brother yells, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" Because it's his pole I threw. It almost went into the lake. The line is Zipping out of it. Fish I guess is pulling it closer and closer to the edge. I didn't care. I was running.

6. When driving don;t flip people off. I mean hey, they might have been in the wrong and yes, they might have cut you off but these people might turn out to be your child's next teacher. "OH CRAP!" And they might say "Hey ... Don't you drive a ..." And you are like OH SCREWED.

Happy Tuesday!

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